Valley Breeze

The Valley Breeze Cumberland Lincoln 10-15-2020

The Valley Breeze Newspapers serving the Northern Rhode Island towns of Cumberland, Lincoln, Woonsocket, Smithfield, North Smithfield, Pawtucket, North Providence, Scituate, Foster, and Glocester

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VALLEY BREEZE LIVING EDITION | OCTOBER 15-21, 2020 AT HOME / ENTERTAINMENT 27 Saying 'no' too much can cause problems Q: Our first child, a boy, just turned 2. Per your advice, he is toilet trained and eating whatever I serve. Before he was born, we determined that we were not going to raise a picky eater. Our problem isn't our son; it's my sister-in- law, who has three kids, the youngest of which is 4. She insists that my husband and I say "no" to our son way too much. Is that even possible? Our son is very active and determined to get his own way. Your advice would be greatly valued. A: First, I congratulate you on getting off to such a good start. These days, it is the rare child who is toilet trained on time (before 24 months) and equally rare for a 2-year-old to be eating whatever is put in front of him. Those are hardly accidents of genetics or "luck of the draw." They testify to parents who under- stand the need to set good disciplinary precedents early in a child's life. Now, to the matter of your sister-in-law. I'm not there – on the ground, so to speak – to make an on-site assessment, but she may be correct. Most toddlers, especially boys, are "very active and determined" to get their own way, so it's easy for parents to fall into the habit of over-using "no." The problem is, the more parents say "no" to a young child, the less effective it becomes over time. As its effectiveness wanes, the tendency is to say it more often, and around and around go all concerned. Under the circumstances, dis- cipline can quickly devolve into warfare, setting the stage for increasingly nonproduc- tive parent-child battles over everything from soup to nuts. Micromanagement, no matter the specific issue, is always driven by anxiety, and anxiety is common to first- time parents. In my public presentations (brought to a virtual halt by the pandemic), I often talk about the pitfalls of micromanaging discipline, the invariable result being ever-worsening behavior and evermore frustrated parents. The key to avoiding that trap with a toddler is child- proofing. Go through the area of your home to which your son has daily access. Remove or put out of his reach any- thing you don't want him handling. Put childproof latches on forbidden cabinets. Put up sturdy gates to rooms that are off-limits. Create a play space in which he can explore, create, and yes, even destroy (magazines he can rip to pieces, for example), to his heart's content with mini- mal supervision from you. The more freedom you give him, the more peace you will have. Your sister-in-law may not be the most diplomatic of self-appointed parenting "experts," but she just may have done you a huge favor that will yield an abundance of blessings in the long run. Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parentguru.com. Traditional Parenting JOHN ROSEMOND History Hike at Chase Farm set for Sunday LINCOLN – A History Hike through Chase Farm's outdoor museum will be held on Sunday, Oct. 18, at 12:30 p.m. Guided tours of the Hearthside House will be held on Sunday, Oct. 25, from 1 to 3 p.m. Both tours are hosted by the Friends of Hearthside. For safety, tours are limited to small groups and are available by advance registration only. The sites help to tell the stories of life in the com- munity's early years. The Hannaway Blacksmith Shop (c.1880), the Pullen's Corner Schoolhouse (c.1850) and Chase Farm itself (c.1867) are anchored at each end by the Hearthside House (c.1810) and the Moffett Mill (c.1812) at the far end, comprising what is known as the Great Road Heritage Campus at Chase Farm Park. At Chase Farm Park, the 90-minute guided walking tour of the Heritage Campus takes place from 12:30 to 2 p.m. Leading the tour will be Kathy Chase Hartley, founder of the Friends of Hearthside and grand- daughter of Benjamin Chase, owner of Lincoln's last oper- ating dairy farm. The tour covers the history of Great Road, one of the oldest road- ways in the country, to the development of the town during the 19th century, which was part of Smithfield until 1871. The majority of the tour takes place outdoors, but there will be stops at the blacksmith shop and one- room schoolhouse. The Hannaway Blacksmith Shop is the last remaining smithy in town and still oper- ates today, preserving the traditional skill of hand forg- ing by offering classes. The tour includes the history of blacksmith shops in town as well as a demonstration at the forge. While the Moffett Mill will not be accessible on the tour due to COVID-19 restric- tions, an interpreter will be on hand to detail its history and show visuals to explain how it operated its water- driven machinery at this last relic of the early Industrial Revolution. The Pullen's Corner Schoolhouse is a one-room school that served this com- munity until it closed in 1922. To save the building, it was moved to Chase Farm Park from its original loca- tion on Angell Road. Here, another volunteer interpreter provides a close-up look at what it was like to be a stu- dent, and a teacher, some 150 years ago. Since every See HIKE, Page 7

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