Valley Breeze

The Valley Breeze & Observer 01-02-2020

The Valley Breeze Newspapers serving the Northern Rhode Island towns of Cumberland, Lincoln, Woonsocket, Smithfield, North Smithfield, Pawtucket, North Providence, Scituate, Foster, and Glocester

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2 AT HOME / ENTERTAINMENT JANUARY 2-7, 2020 | VALLEY BREEZE & OBSERVER LIVING EDITION "Raising Good Humans." A summary of Clarke-Fields' mindful point of view: Raising children the way par- ents raised children before the advent of mindful people like Hunter Clarke- Fields (that is, when child mental health and academic achievement were much, much better) is really bad. Clarke-Fields doesn't like parents who insist that their children do as they are told. Nevermind that the very best research into parenting outcomes finds that child happiness and child obedience go hand-in-hand, HCF opines that insisting on obedience is bad because the parent "wins" and the child "loses." This reflects the non- sensical post-1960s idea that parenting is a zero-sum game populated by vil- lains (parents who insist upon proper behavior) and victims (children who would much rather act like uncivilized beasties because it's much more fun and perversely rewarding). I have to admit, I'm so "out of it" I had to look up a definition of mindful- ness. I discovered, much to my non- surprise, that mindfulness is a hybrid of Eastern meditative techniques ("I am the universe!") and postmodern psychobabble. Being aware of one's existence in the present moment and acknowledging the feelings of others is being mindful. Simply speaking, it's paying attention and being empathic, but expressed as if the person in ques- tion is morally superior. Given that yours truly is a recovering hippie, I've been there, done that. When applied to raising children, to be mindful is never having to say, "Go to your room." According to HCF and psycholo- gist Alan Kazdin, director of the Yale Parenting Center, "while punishment might make a parent feel better, it won't change a child's behavior." The question becomes: "What parent in their right mind feels better after punishing a child?" Answer: none. By definition, a parent who "feels better" after punishing a child is a sociopath. Intelligent parents understand that responsible parenting is not measured in terms of emotion – the parent's or the child's. It is measured in terms of the slow, two-steps-forward-one- step-back development of character attributes like respect for others, obe- dience to legitimate authority, respon- sibility, humility, and trustworthiness. In short, responsible parenting is not a matter of causing a child to "feel" a certain way; it's a matter of causing a child to do the right thing Accomplishing that requires punish- ment. In order for a young child to understand that he's done something bad, he must feel bad about it. Until they develop a functionally reliable conscience, children aren't able to feel bad on their own about the bad things they do. That requires an outside agent, ideally an outside agent who loves the child in question uncondi- tionally. Regretfully, it also requires punishment. The notion that punishment "won't change a child's behavior" is refined nonsense. It flies in the face of com- monsense, research, and my 47 years of experience counseling parents. Does anyone really think I'd have lasted 47 years if I was not dispensing helpful advice? I may have stopped trying to be mindful after watching The Beatles descend into meditation- induced temporary insanity, but I still have a mind capable of discerning sense from nonsense. From all recent indications, the nonsense-purveyors are in it for the long run. Therefore, so am I. Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parentguru.com . body's cues: when you feel hungry, you eat, and when you feel full, you stop. "Diets don't work," Huard, a Cumberland resident, told The Valley Breeze. Many diets and weight loss pro- grams are too focused on numbers, she said, and counting calories can actually lead people to be unsuccess- ful, gaining back weight they've lost and then some. "With diets, people become very focused on calories and numbers. … Once you're thinking of food in num- bers or points, you see it as a point or number rather than actual food," said Huard, who works with many chronic dieters and people who have eating disorders. Intermittent fasting, a diet trend in which people limit the hours of the day when they allow themselves to eat, also places focus on timing and numbers and isn't something that Huard recommends, she said. "If you wake up and you're hungry but it's not time (to eat) yet because of fasting rules, there's no way I can lis- ten to my body," Huard said, explain- ing the downside of fasting. "It starts messing with (your) mind." She also isn't a fan of remov- ing entire food groups, like with the Whole30 diet, unless there's a medi- cal reason or food allergy, she said, as telling your brain that certain foods aren't allowed can lead to craving it more. Intuitive eating, which puts a differ- ent spin on wellness, "moves away from that" and focuses on health as opposed to physical appearances whereas "dieting is just so focused on appearance," Huard said. "It's so much more focused on your relation- ship with food and how that's also connected with your relationship with your body." The goal is to create a better rela- tionship with food, allowing people to eat a larger variety of food and see different foods less as "good" and "bad," she said. The approach can also help people figure out what their natural weight is instead of trying to fit into a mold of what diet culture says everyone should look like, she said. "Having a better relationship with food and your body is the most important end goal," Huard said. "Sometimes it takes a long time (but) with intuitive eating, in the end you're trusting your body. ... It's really nice and really helpful for a lot of people." With a focus on self-care, Huard said she doesn't dictate what foods people can and can't eat. "It depends on what they like," she said. "That's the goal, to get them eating foods they like and enjoy. … Some people have different definitions of healthy." She also said she wants people to lose the notion that if something tastes good then it's bad for you. The approach may take people in their 40s and 50s longer to adjust to because they've been exposed to the diet culture for so longer, she said. The idea of intuitive eating isn't new, having been around since the 1990s, but Huard said more dietitians are using it in their counseling. As far as exercise goes, Huard sug- gests people find activities that they enjoy doing that gets their bodies moving, as opposed to forcing them- selves to go to the gym because they think they have to. Thinking about exercise in terms of needing to burn off food you've eaten is also a damaging thought, according to Huard. "Everyone needs food no matter how much you're moving," she said. In 2020, people should also resolve to be kinder to themselves. Many people lose steam after a few weeks or months when trying to keep up with their new year's resolutions but Huard said the key is to be compas- sionate. "There's so much going on in our lives," she said. "So many people I see are so hard on themselves. I'm so often reminding them to be kind." EATING From Page One PARENTING From Page One MoWC seeks Catholic schools memorabilia WOONSOCKET – The Museum of Work & Culture's Catholic Schools Archive is seek- ing memorabilia from alumni of Catholic schools. The museum is seeking the assis- tance of the public in expanding the archive, and is currently seek- ing the following materials from any individuals who attended or taught in a Catholic School: • Photographs, including class pictures, group pictures, snapshots, and yearbook photos featuring stu- dents, nuns, and/or brothers • Baptismal, First Communion, Confirmation, and/or wedding records and photographs • Memorabilia, such as event pro- grams, report cards, and certificates • Written compositions recalling your time in school • Yearbooks from Woonsocket- based schools, including: Mount Saint Charles: 1925, 1927, 1928, 1929, 1938, 2016-19; St. Clare: 1927, 1935, 1944, 1971 Those interested in donating materials to the archive can con- tact the head of the archive, Lois Peloquin, at mowc@rihs.org. No materials will be accepted at the museum without a previously scheduled appointment. HUARD Dining Guide LINCOLN MALL PLAZA 334-3200 Open Daily at 11:00 a.m. Take-Out or Dine-In Karaoke Thursdays May Your 2020 Give You Peace, Goodwill and Happy Memories. www.ASIAGRILLE.com 103 Putnam Pike, Johnston (401) 353-0444 EmmilysRestaurant.net TAKE-OUT AVAILABLE Hours: Mon. & Tues. 6 a.m.-3 p.m.; Wed. & Thurs. 6 a.m.-9 p.m. Friday 6 a.m.-10 p.m.; Saturday 6 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sunday 6 a.m.-3 p.m. 2 for $ 25 Thursdays & Fridays $ 5 OFF $ 50 YOUR ENTIRE FOOD BILL Dinner Only. Excludes alcohol. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Not valid on holidays. Book Your Private Event With Us! TWO FULL ENTRÉES & ONE APPETIZER TO SHARE = $ 25 Roasted Chicken • Chicken Parmigiana Calamari • Fish & Chips and more!

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