Valley Breeze

The Valley Breeze & Observer 10-31-2019

The Valley Breeze Newspapers serving the Northern Rhode Island towns of Cumberland, Lincoln, Woonsocket, Smithfield, North Smithfield, Pawtucket, North Providence, Scituate, Foster, and Glocester

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4 ENTERTAINMENT OCTOBER 30-NOVEMBER 5, 2019 | VALLEY BREEZE & OBSERVER LIVING EDITION Mexican holiday, Martínez, who was born in Mexico and grew up in El Paso, Texas, said not to mistake it for "Mexican Halloween." It's not even really a celebration, she said, but a commemoration, a way to honor and remember one's ancestors through art, food, music, altars, and other activities. Nov. 1 is typically a day to remem- ber children who have died, while Nov. 2 is dedicated more to elders, she said. In recent years, Day of the Dead has become a little commercialized, she said, and while some images related to the holiday show skeletons with sin- ister looks on their faces, that isn't an accurate portrayal. "We don't want people to think it's frightening," she said. As for people wearing Day of the Dead makeup as part of a Halloween costume, Martínez said it does bother her. "It shouldn't be a costume," she said. "It's tradition." When she was growing up, Day of the Dead wasn't recognized much out- side of the Southwest, she said. She's lived in Rhode Island for 30 years, and the first years here, she said there was an active Mexican commu- nity that hosted events. Because these events turned into a museum or spec- tacle, she said she thinks that's why they stopped hosting them. For the past five years, Martínez has hosted a Dia de Los Muertos event at the Southside Cultural Center in Providence, set up a community altar, and had a procession to Grace Church Cemetery, as well as educational opportunities for local students. Her trip this year means Rhode Islanders are left without this event, but Martínez said she plans to contin- ue it next year and hopes to find some inspiration in Mexico to bring back to Rhode Island. She added that she wasn't aware of any public celebrations in R.I., saying it's more of a personal ceremony for families anyway. "In a way I'm glad there's nothing public," she said. For those who are looking for a more public observance, there will be a Dia de los Muertos Parade and Festival on Sunday, Nov. 3, from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Veronica Robles Cultural Center, 175 William F. McClellan Highway in East Boston, Mass. The Peabody Museum of Archaeology & Ethnology, 11 Divinity Ave., Cambridge, will host a Day of the Dead Celebración Familiar/Family Celebration on Saturday, Nov. 2, from noon to 4 p.m. Martínez said she wants "to encour- age families to talk about their deceased so kids know not just about their ancestors" but also about their living relatives, she said. Many second generation Latino kids that she works with don't know what their parents went through to get to the U.S., she said, adding that they need to sit, talk and learn about each other. As part of her observance of Day of the Dead in Mexico, Martínez said, on Nov. 1, she and her family will bake bread, and relatives will come over with food to spend most of the after- noon and into the evening exchanging stories. Family members create and deco- rate an altar, referred to as an ofrenda, with handmade sugar skulls, as well as photographs, flowers, and food – maybe a favorite dish of the deceased or your favorite dish that you want to share, Martínez said. It's believed that the deceased return to enjoy the offer- ings, she said. The next day they'll wake up around 4 a.m., she said, and bake bread and make tamales before join- ing a procession of other people leav- ing their homes to walk to the cem- etery, where they will be all day long, telling more stories about their loved ones who have died. They'll also clean the tombstones on their family grave sites and create altars on the graves, she said. Martínez said she's set up an altar in her house in Rhode Island but it's not the same as in Mexico when almost the whole town participates, she said. "Family members come from all over. It's not unusual for someone like me to come from a far place," Martínez said. "It's festive. I'm excited just talking about it." DAY OF THE DEAD From Page One involvement finds that regardless of demographics or ability, children do best in school when their parents do not monitor and help with home- work. But then, America's education establishment pays no attention to research in education. The portal either turns parents into micromanagers or pushes already existing parental micro- management over the edge. Micromanagement is driven by anxiety, always. Parents who visit the portal on a regular basis are not simply curious. They are anxious control freaks. They are also their kids' (and their own) worst enemies. Micromanagement never improves the performance of the person being micromanaged. It always produces stress, an unwillingness to commu- nicate, and various manifestations of pushback. Sometimes, the pushback is subtle, sly, covert, and sometimes it is blatant, even belligerent, as in, "Leave me alone! I'm sick and tired of having you looking over my shoulder! Get a life why don't you! Yes indeed, the micromanaging parent needs desperately to get a life of her own. There is no emo- tional boundary, you see, between the portal-obsessive parent and her child. To paraphrase The Beatles, she is him and he is her and they are all entangled. (And yes, I'm using the female pronoun purpose- fully because in probably nine of 10 instances – and that may be a con- servative estimate – the mother is the micromanaging, anxiety-driven, portal-obsessive in question.) Over the past two generations, co-depen- dency in the mother-child relation- ship has become normative, and this is yet another manifestation. Being in a co-dependent relation- ship has nothing to do with being a woman, however. My mother was not in a co-dependent relationship with me and my peers testify like- wise concerning their moms. This is all about the post-1960s "Good Mommy Club," which demands of its members that they be crazy about their kids (not crazy happy, mind you, but truly crazy) if they want to remain in good standing. Without any evidence that the portal is working to do anything but transport mothers to a "Twilight Zone" where they begin to believe their real name is "Mom," public and private schools nationwide are pushing portal participation like it's the next best thing to tablets (which the research also says are counter- productive). It's as if they say to themselves, "Let's build the portal and find out later if it's working!" Come to think of it, I did have a homework portal when I was in school. It was called the "black- board." Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parentguru.com. PARENTING From Page One do you know? You can place a Classified Ad anytime at valleybreeze.com Click on 'Classifieds' MARTA MARTÍNEZ, the executive director of Rhode Island Latino Arts, stands near an altar she created as part of a Dia de Los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, celebration last year. Compare us to other leading companies today! www.CompareOilCompanies.com to find out why comparing us to the competition is like comparing apples to oranges. Call 401-942-5000 — A TOTAL ENERGY COMPANY— ® ACCREDITED BUSINESS A+

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