Valley Breeze

The Valley Breeze Cumberland Lincoln 06-06-2019

The Valley Breeze Newspapers serving the Northern Rhode Island towns of Cumberland, Lincoln, Woonsocket, Smithfield, North Smithfield, Pawtucket, North Providence, Scituate, Foster, and Glocester

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2 AT HOME / ENTERTAINMENT JUNE 6-12, 2019 | VALLEY BREEZE LIVING EDITION What to do about children who won't leave When children were raised, reared, or simply brought up, they emancipat- ed "on time." Upon high school grad- uation, children went to college, into the military, or became employed. Some, like my wife and myself, got married before they could vote. Those were the days when young people still wanted to leave home and strike out on their own, something their parents celebrated. Empty-nest syndrome was a rarity. Since "parenting" has replaced child rearing, the average age of emancipa- tion, especially for males, has soared. Older parents all over the country are asking me what to do about children who won't leave home or leave home only to come back again, and again, and again. The breakdowns involve drugs, alcohol, video games, employ- ment issues, criminality, and emotion- al collapses of one sort or another. "When are you going to write a book on adult children who won't leave the nest?" they ask. I answer that the "book" will consist of one page on which will be printed two words: Stop enabling! It's glib, I know, and I really need to stop mak- ing light of what is a serious problem for these folks. Nonetheless, it's almost always the case that the parents in question are, in fact, enabling. They throw money at problems that aren't caused by a lack of money and money isn't going to solve. I have children. I can't think of any- thing harder than putting a child out on the street, telling him that the ride is over and he's going to have to learn to solve his own problems. For one thing, the possibility is very real that the kid won't solve his problems, that he'll sink ever deeper into dissolution. It's one thing to tell parents that their enabling has become one of their child's handicaps; it's quite another to answer the question, "But what if he just keeps getting worse?" with something other than banalities. There must be no guilt quite as over- whelming, as paralyzing, as the guilt that comes from knowing you could have done something to prevent your child's personal apocalypse, even if the something would have been noth- ing more than the same-old, same-old. Some parents have told me they've tried emancipation counseling. It's certainly worth a try, but the all-too- typical story has everyone agreeing on the plan in front of the counselor and signing the contract only to have the whole thing blow up when push comes to shove. Other parents have told me they finally decided to let the child keep living at home but stop giving him money. That's a fine idea, except a good number of those same parents report that their kids began stealing from them. What do you do then? Swear out a criminal complaint and have your child thrown in jail? Again, easier said than done. The good news is that some of the freeloaders in question suddenly pack their bags, leave, and figure out how to make it on their own (albeit often with an ongoing allowance). In the meantime, however, they've wreaked emotional and financial havoc on their parents. I recently talked with the single mom of a 44-year-old who has done and is continuing to do just that. She's forced, at age 70, to keep working. Which brings me back to kicking the slacker out, which sometimes (the reader should know) involves police. Parents who've done that tell me that the first six months is the hardest because things get worse before they start getting better. And some par- ents have told me (the reader should know) that the child in question sim- ply disappeared. So, when all is said and done, my answer to these questions is one that I have not fallen back on in 40 years of writing this column: I don't know. Life can be very messy at times. Family psychologist John Rosemond:, Traditional Parenting JOHN ROSEMOND Music at the Farm concert set for Sunday BURRILLVILLE – Grace Note Farm and the Burrillville Land Trust will present a Music at the Farm event featuring a musical tour of 18th century Europe on Sunday, June 9, at 2 p.m., at the farm, 969 Jackson Schoolhouse Road, Pascoag. The concert will feature flutist Virginia Sindelar and harpsichordist Suzanne Cartreine. After the concert, audience members are welcome to take part in a guided walk along the farm trails, view the homestead dwell- ing, meet the animals and purchase homemade desserts. Tickets are $20 per adult, $10 for students 12 and under, available at the door or online through Children 4 and under are admitted for free. Figure Skating Exhibition Sunday SMITHFIELD – The Smithfield Figure Skating Club, along with the Smithfield Municipal Ice Rink, will host its 39th annual Figure Skating Exhibition, Crowning Achievements, on Sunday, June 9, at 3 p.m., at 101 Pleasant View Ave. Proceeds will benefit diabetes research. Cost is $10 for adults and $2 for children. Dining Guide 46 Putnam Pike, Johnston, RI 401-231-8111 web: email: © Baked Stuffed Scrod • $ 15.95 Fresh scrod filled with seafood stuffing covered with butter and a ritz cracker crumb topping then baked to perfection. Served with a choice of pasta, spinach, mixed veggies, or fries and a cup of sour OR small salad. Lobster, Shrimp and Scallops Alla Rosa • $ 20.95 Fresh cooked fettucine noodles sautéed in our pink Alfredo sauce with lobster, shrimp and bay scallops. Served with a cup of soup OR small salad. Chicken Sorrento • $ 14.95 Fresh chicken cutlets, eggplant, red roasted peppers, and ricotta cheese smothered in our famous sauce and mozzarella cheese and baked to perfection. Served with choice of pasta, mixed veggies, spinach or fries and a cup of sour OR small salad. Prosciutto and Sharp Provolone Sandwich • $ 10.95 Prosciutto di parma and sharp provolone with sliced tomatoes and oil and vinegar served on a ciabatta roll with your choice of soup or fries. Steak Sandwich • $ 11.00 Extra lean shaved steak grilled with onions mushrooms and cheese. Stuffed Quahogs • $ 5.95 Two gourmet stuffed clams served with lemon and Tabasco. Snail Salad • $ 14.95 Fresh cooked snails sliced thin, marinated in olive oil, minced garlic, fresh lemon juice and Italian parsley. Lobster Roll • $ 15.95 Fresh knuckle and claw lobster meat served on a grilled bun, served with potato chips or cole slaw. SPECIALS OF THE WEEK DRINK SPECIALS $ 3 bottle of Miller Lite $ 4 bottle of Sam Adams $ 14 bottle of Apothic Red $ 8 Frozen Raspberry Limoncello & Prosecco New England Steak and Seafood Make Father's Day Reservations NOW! 9 SEATING TIMES AVAILABLE: 12 noon 2:30 p.m. 5:00 p.m. 12:30 p.m. 3:00 p.m. 5:30 p.m. 1:00 p.m. 3:30 p.m. 6:00 p.m. Route 16, Mendon, MA 508-473-5079 508-478-0871 Steakhouse • Sushi Bar • Lounge 900 Victory Highway, Suite 3, North Smithfield, RI 401-597-0885 Lunch: Mon.-Fri. 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m. • Dinner: Mon-Thurs 3 p.m.-10 p.m.; Fri 3 p.m.-11 p.m.; Sat 11:30 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sun 12:30 p.m.-10 p.m. 900 Victory Highway, Suite 3, North Smithfield, RI Celebrate Your Grad 's Success at our Hibachi Grill! Remember Dad on Father's Day. Now Accepting Reservations.

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