Valley Breeze

The North Providence Breeze 12-05-2018

The Valley Breeze Newspapers serving the Northern Rhode Island towns of Cumberland, Lincoln, Woonsocket, Smithfield, North Smithfield, Pawtucket, North Providence, Scituate, Foster, and Glocester

Issue link: http://valleybreeze.uberflip.com/i/1058594

Contents of this Issue

Navigation

Page 17 of 43

2 ENTERTAINMENT / AT HOME DECEMBER 5-11, 2018 | VALLEY BREEZE & OBSERVER LIVING EDITION Trouble with teens Q: Our 15-year-old daugh- ter is very demanding and, to be honest, self-centered. One of the things she does is ask one of us for something and demand an instant deci- sion, as in, "Can I go to the mall with my friends?" If she doesn't get the right answer, she begins to yell and become disrespectful and/or she goes to the other parent (in person, phone, text), but cleverly fails to tell him/her of the first parent's decision. That, of course, causes ten- sion and sometimes conflict between the two of us. We feel caught between a rock and a hard place. If we tell her that she must wait on a decision until the two of us can collaborate, she begins to throw a temper tantrum. On the other hand, if one of us makes a unilateral deci- sion, we often regret it. Any suggestions to help us resolve this? A: Yep. First, make a list of "permissions" that the two of you agree upon, that don't require collaboration. Henceforth, either of you can make any one of those decisions unilaterally. When the list is complete, share it with your daughter, making perfectly clear (or as perfectly clear as is possible with a teenager who is demanding and disrespectful) that any item not on the pre-approved list requires collaboration. Tell her that if she can't wait until collaboration is possible, the default answer is "no." Inform her, furthermore, that yelling or any other form of disrespect means that "no" is the automatic answer to any and all requests for a week. That ought to do it. Q: We have discovered that our 14-year-old son is brag- ging to the world over social media of exploits – even of a sexual nature – that he's never experienced. We took away his phone privileges for a week, but that hasn't stopped it. Help! A: Given the well-known fact that smart phones enable irresponsible behavior in many if not most teens, I fail to comprehend the rationale behind otherwise intelligent adults giving them smart phones. There is, in fact, no rationale; there is only nonsense like "Well, that's how they communicate" and "Let's face it, their social lives depend on smart phones" and "I want us to be able to get in touch should an emer- gency arise." I know of plenty of teens who do not have smart phones. Instead, they have "Model A" phones that do not connect to the internet; phones that will call and text (laboriously) only. Without exception, said teens are not suffering socially. They may be at times inconvenienced, but they are not suffering. They are somewhat behind the information curve in their peer group, but they are not socially isolated. Albeit not happy with that one aspect of their lives, they are not clinically depressed. Can someone please explain to me why it is bad for a par- ent to say to a child, "So, if I understand you correctly, you're telling me your life's not just as you would have it; in which case, all I have to say is 'welcome to the real world, kiddo.'" Let's face it, folks. Smart phones create problems for parents. At the least, and even in the case of children who only use them respon- sibly, they make extra work for parents. Can someone please explain to me why, when an alternative exists, otherwise clear-thinking par- ents would choose to make extra work for themselves? C'mon. Stop fooling around with this. In your son's hand, a smart phone becomes instantly toxic. Take his phone away…for good. Give him a "Model A." Tell him he can have a smart phone when he's living on his own and can pay for it and the monthly bill. That will certainly motivate him to emancipate as early as possible, which is certainly a win-win. Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parentguru.com. Traditional Parenting JOHN ROSEMOND Hearthside hosting old-fashioned Christmas events LINCOLN – Experience an old-fashioned Christmas at Hearthside House Museum, 677 Great Road, this weekend. Tours will be offered on Saturday, Dec. 8, between 4 and 7 p.m. On Sunday, Dec. 9, from 2 to 6 p.m., the G-notes, the a cappella ensemble from the Gordon School, welcome visitors with their holiday selections. Santa will be at each of these pre-Christmas events for the duration of the openings. The events also include a variety of live music includ- ing harp, piano, and acousti- cal guitar. For the first time, holiday events will extend next door to Chase Farm Park for "A 19th Century Christmas at the Schoolhouse" in conjunc- tion with Hearthside's events, opening one hour prior to Hearthside's events and clos- ing one hour earlier on each of the dates. Step inside the one-room schoolhouse to be welcomed by youth docents dressed in period attire and experi- ence a Christmas program as students would have enjoyed during the late 19th century. Meet Mrs. Claus, listen to a traditional school Christmas program of poems and join in a sing-along of Christmas carols accompanied by a guitar. The performance will take place at 2:30 p.m. at the Dec. 9 opening. On Dec. 8, beginning at 3 p.m., "The Story of Santa Claus" will be read by Charles Cox, historian and founder of the Festival of Lights Committee in Lincoln. Once the holiday rush is over, there is still time to visit Hearthside to enjoy the decorations with special "Home for the Holidays" tours given on Friday, Dec. 28 and Sunday, Dec. 30. Advance reservations are required. Tours will begin every half hour starting at 4 p.m. with the last one at 6 p.m., and generally last one hour. To reserve spot, call 401-726-0597 or email info@ hearthsidehouse.org . General admission is $10/ person; $5, ages 10-16; children under 10 at no charge. The Christmas at the Schoolhouse program admis- sion is $5/family. Linden Place Mansion presents tenor Michael DiMucci BRISTOL – Linden Place Mansion will celebrate the holiday season with two fun- draiser concerts and sing-a- longs with pianist and singer, Michael DiMucci. DiMucci will be performing on Friday, Dec. 7 at 7:30 p.m., and Sunday, Dec. 9 at 2 p.m. These fireside concerts are a mix of classical numbers, Christmas standards, and the audience sing-a-long. Tickets are $25, $20 for Linden Place members and $15 for Colt Circle Members and must be reserved in advance by calling the museum at 401-253-0390 or visit linden- place.org/dimucci . DIMUCCI

Articles in this issue

Links on this page

Archives of this issue

view archives of Valley Breeze - The North Providence Breeze 12-05-2018