Valley Breeze

The Valley Breeze Woonsocket North Smithfield 10-11-2018

The Valley Breeze Newspapers serving the Northern Rhode Island towns of Cumberland, Lincoln, Woonsocket, Smithfield, North Smithfield, Pawtucket, North Providence, Scituate, Foster, and Glocester

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2 ENTERTAINMENT / AT HOME OCTOBER 11-17, 2018 | VALLEY BREEZE LIVING EDITION Parenting realities concerning effective discipline PARENTING REALITY, PART ONE: It is all but inevitable that after rat- tling off a list of provocative, socio- pathic stuff his or her child is doing and usually has been doing for quite some time, a parent will say, "But he's a really good kid." How's that? How is it that a child who is belliger- ently defiant, denigrates the parent with various libelous descriptors, refuses to be the least bit responsible around the home, and creates nearly constant uproar in the family is "really a good kid"? I have a theory. Today's parents tend to believe in parenting determinism; that, in other words, parenting produces the person. The belief is understandable, given that the mental health commu- nity has been spreading it for over a century, ever since it was originally proposed by Sigmund Freud, the so- called Father of Modern Psychology. It's why psychologists – no matter the nature of the presenting problem – ask, "Tell me about your child- hood" as if the way a person was raised, or (more accurately) claims to have been raised, explains every- thing. Given the ubiquity of that belief – which, by the way, is not corrobo- rated by either research or a prepon- derance of anecdote – for a parent to admit the obvious, that her child is a "really bad kid" is to admit, in effect, that she has been a cor- respondingly defective parent. "But he's a really good kid" is a form of self-protective denial. The Parenting Reality here is that an inability to confront the reality of a child's misbehavior translates to an inability to respond effectively, with purposeful, unruffled author- ity. Under the circumstances, the child's misbehavior gets worse over time, as does the parent's confusion. And around and around they go. The likelihood of one or both par- ties eventually becoming diagnosed and being on psychiatric medication increases with every passing day. PARENTING REALITY, PART TWO: Contrary to what even most psy- chologists believe, no one has ever conclusively proven that behavior modification – which obviously works on dogs and other animals – works with any significant degree of reliability on human beings. It is important to note that the "no one" in the preceding sentence includes B. F. Skinner, the psychology pro- fessor and researcher who first articulated the theory. Nonetheless, the notion that successful discipline is largely a matter of manipulat- ing consequences (i.e., reward and punishment) properly is almost uni- versally held. Thus, when parents describe a discipline problem to me, they want to know what I think they should do. They expect me to describe a method, technique, or strategy that they haven't already thought of. I call these methods, etc., "con- sequence delivery systems." The Parenting Reality here is that more important than what one does in response to a child's persistent misbehavior is the way in which it – whatever "it" might be – is done. Said differently, no method, tech- nique, strategy or consequence is going to work for long (if it works at all) unless it is delivered by a parent who is unequivocally convinced of the legitimacy of his/her authority over said child. A right attitude is more important than a right con- sequence. With a right attitude, a right presentation, nearly any conse- quence will work, and keep working. Most parents have already discov- ered the truth of this. They simply refuse to accept the evidence. Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parentguru.com. Traditional Parenting JOHN ROSEMOND 'Do it, Man! The Story of The Celebrity Club' will premiere Friday PAWTUCKET - The Rhode Island Music Hall of Fame and the Blackstone Valley Tourism Council announce the world premiere of "Do It, Man! The Story of The Celebrity Club." The film will screen Friday, Oct. 12, at the Blackstone Valley Visitor Center, 175 Main St. Doors will open at 5:30 p.m. for a reception featuring a performance by Rhode Island's own The Aristocats, led by 2018 RIMHOF inductee Lloyd Kaplan. Light refreshments will be served; beer and wine will be available. The film will screen at 7 p.m. Tickets are $25 and are available at www.brown- papertickets.com. The event is a fund- raiser to help with the costs of adding finishing touches to the film and pre- paring it for distribution. "Do It, Man!" tells the story of Providence's legendary Celebrity Club, located in an African-American neigh- borhood, Randall Square, and owned by an Italian-American, Paul Filippi. The establishment is believed to be the first interracial nightclub in New England and featured top national jazz, R&B and early rock 'n' roll acts as well as local talent throughout the 1950s. Music royalty such as Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holliday and Fats Domino would come to Providence and stay for week-long engagements at the club.

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